Rules of the Road
by lexi'ssorryforthis
Summary: What Dean, Sam, and Castiel would want you to know before joining Team Free Will. POV, S7 or 8. Rated for Dean's language and mentions of suicide.
1. Dean's Rules

**Dean**

So, you want to join me and my brother criss-crossing the country in an awesome car hunting the stuff of nightmares? Okay, first of all, you're friggin' weird. Second, if you're completely set on this, you're gonna need to follow these rules.

1) Driver picks the music, passengers shut their cakeholes. That pretty much means I pick the music. If you don't like it, the curb is over there. And there. And pretty much everywhere.

2) Unless Sam and I are dead in the backseat and you are driving us out of danger until we inevitably come back to life, DO NOT TOUCH THE IMPALA. Your ass will be curbed.

3) Never call me a speed demon. I'm not kidding. Call me any variation of Speedy McSpeederton that you like, but if you call me a demon I will leave your ass on the curb, got it?

4) Do not get panicky once we start getting in the thick of the hunting stuff. It gets scary, and things come at us, but if I'm trusting you with a weapon of any kind around my gorgeous body, you'd better have your head on straight.

5) Try not to laugh at Garth. He's goofy, but he's a lot better than he seems.

6) If you so much as look at Sammy in a way that I don't like, your ass will be curbed. Trust me when I say this is as much for your protection as his.

7) That being said, if Sammy is going to do something self-sacrificing or stupid, and he won't listen to me or I'm not around to pull him out of it, it's gonna come down to you. This is really the most important rule: Watch out for Sammy.

8) That includes not letting me be a dick to Sammy. Take me out with a .45 if you have to, but don't let me hurt my brother.

9) Don't let me hurt Cas either.

10) Don't let me hurt you. Don't doubt that I will. If I do, know that I'm sorry, even if I don't come out and say it.

11) You know what? You're better off as far away from us as possible. Your ass is getting curbed.


	2. Sam's Rules

**Sam  
**

Wait, you actually WANT to come with my brother and I on our never-ending road trip of doom? I think you're nuts, but if I can't convince you otherwise, we're gonna need to set some ground rules, just to keep everyone safe and happy, okay?

So get this:

1) Don't call me Sammy. My name is Sam, and that's the end of it.

2) Make sure you wear enough shirts. It gets pretty cold out there, and puffy coats aren't ideal for the Impala.

3) If you play "Heat of the Moment," I will tell Dean to leave you at the side of the road.

4) There's every chance you'll be handling serious weapons while you're with us. When this happens, make sure you stay calm and focused. You know, basic gun safety stuff. We'll teach you as much as you need, don't worry.

5) Don't laugh at Garth, you'll appreciate him soon enough.

6) If you do something to Dean that hurts him, I will end you.

7) Also, if Dean gets stupid or suicidal and I'm not there to bring him back or if he won't listen to me, you're gonna have to do it. He doesn't always realize how much he's needed, and sometimes he needs to be looked out for.

8) Don't let me get stupid and hurt Dean. More often than not, that's what's going to happen, demon blood or not.

9) Don't let me hurt Cas either.

10) Don't let me hurt you. If and when I do, I am sorry. But it probably won't be enough...

11) Actually, you should probably just go on without us. All our crazy is just going to drag you down.


	3. Castiel's Rules

**Cas**

I know who you are, and I know what you want and why. Short of wiping your memory and transporting you to your bed, I know there's nothing I can do to change your mind. I won't wipe your memory though; we did fight for free will, and you're entitled to it just as much as we are. But there are some things you should know before you come.

1) I will not understand your pop culture references.

2) I will probably not respect your personal space.

3) Don't call Dean a speed demon. He doesn't like that.

4) Don't call Sam "Sammy." He won't be happy.

5) Garth won't mind if you laugh at him, but Sam and Dean will be embarrassed.

6) Do not be mean to Sam or Dean. I will protect them from you if need be.

7) Watch out for Sam and Dean. They need help more often then they will admit.

8) Don't let me hurt Sam or Dean.

9) Don't let me hurt any other angels.

10) Don't let me hurt you.

11) When the boys give you a weapon, don't be too scared. I know you're still going to come with us no matter what. Basic gun safety is probably the last useful bit of wisdom I can give you.

**AN: I must have been in total Dean-mode today. I've never had so much trouble writing Sam's POV!**


End file.
